The best bread recipe ever!

It has been suggested that I should try to “lighten up my blog a little”. Well, this is not quite as easy as it might sound since I am, by nature, not a very light hearted or humorous person, unless I have a few too many under my belt. Anyway, consider this to be a rather lame attempt to lighten up a little. I will return to my true self in my next blog which will deal with the issue of racism head on!

For now let’s deal with a problem that I have been struggling with for most of my adult life, how to make a decent loaf of bread. My mother could do this in her sleep, not that she ever got much sleep. Unfortunately, she took all of her recipes, which were in her head, to the grave with her, so she was of no help to me in this endeavor.

To make a long story a little shorter, let me say that I have tried almost everything to make a decent loaf of bread. I even built a humongous outdoor wood fired bread oven at our summer place on the Klamath. This thing took three summers to build and, for all I know, might be the largest free standing bread oven in the world. In any case, it turned out to be a great pizza oven but not a single loaf of edible bread has ever come out of it, no not a single loaf!

Everything changed, for once for the better, one morning about three years ago when my wife Tina brought to my attention a bread recipe that was published in our local liberal rag the Contra Costa Times (you’re right, I can’t keep politics out of it no matter how hard I try). In any case, this bread recipe was so simple that I almost dismissed it out of hand; however, a drowning man will grasp at any straw available to him, so I ultimately tried it. The results were nothing short of miraculous. I have dubbed this my “any fool can do it bread recipe”. I assure you this works the first time and every time, just like tax cuts stimulate the economy every time they are tried!

This bread will be gobbled up almost as fast as you can make it, so I am giving you a double recipe that will make two medium sized loaves of bread. To make this wonderful bread you will need two cast iron kettles or enamel coated iron kettles with lids in which to bake the bread. Here are the ingredients for the bread.

6 cups of bread or all purpose flour
½ teaspoon of yeast (this is not a typing error, this is all the yeast you need)
3 teaspoons of salt
3 and ¼ cups of water

Mix the dry ingredients in a bowl and stir in the water. This will produce very, very wet bread dough. Spray the dough with Pam or olive oil, cover with plastic wrap and let it sit for 18 hours. Do not manipulate the dough in any way (you couldn’t anyway because it is so wet)

Line two medium sized bowls with parchment paper. Divide the dough and place each half over the parchment paper in the bowls, punching it down as you do so. Spray with Pam or olive oil, cover with a dish towel and let it sit for another 2 to 3 hours.

Preheat the oven, kettles and lids to 500 degrees F. After the kettles and lids are at 500 degrees F remove them from the oven and remove the lids. Lift the parchment paper by its corners and place the bread dough and parchment paper in the preheated kettles. The original recipe did not employ parchment paper in the transfer process but the bread dough invariably falls when it is manipulated, if you do not use the paper. Replace the lids and bake at 500 degrees for 30 minutes. Remove the lids and bake for an additional 20 to 30 minutes at 450 degrees F or until each loaf is golden brown. Remove the loaves and let them cool on a rack. That’s all there is to it, as I said any fool, even liberals, can do this!

Now to jazz up your bread a little try this. Add ½ cup of coarsely chopped sun dried tomatoes to the dry mix and proceed as you would with the plain recipe. Or to make the best bread you have ever had in your life, add roasted ground wheat to the recipe.

Obtain a pound or so of whole wheat. Spread it out on a cookie sheet and roast at 450 degrees F until dark brown. Grind up the roasted wheat in a grain mill until it is the consistence of coffee grounds. Add ½ cup of the roasted ground wheat to the dry ingredients and proceed as before. I usually make my bread with both sun dried tomatoes and roasted wheat. If you add these additional ingredients you will have to add a little more water, just enough so you can mix the dry ingredients together easily.

You can add olives, raisins or anything else that meets your fancy to the basic recipe if you feel creative. Everything I have tried seams to work.

Please try this simple fool proof bread recipe. I know you will be delighted with the results. By the way this bread makes the best toast ever! One cautionary note, this bread recipe is not for weight watchers.