The Dingbat Twins

THE DINGBAT TWINS The luxurious 230 seat passenger plane was sitting first in line to take off at the runway reserved for government dignitaries and other members of the elite class at the Dulles International Airport in Washington DC. The planes 12 person crew included a master chef, a wine steward, two serving people dressed in tuxedos, as well as speaker Pelosi's personal masseuse, Philip. Mary, the speakers $250 an hour hair stylist had fell ill at the last moment and couldn't make the trip. The airplanes co-pilot knocked politely on the door to the passenger compartment and was ushered to the plush black leather seats where Speaker Pelosi and Senator Boxer were sitting. Each had a large glass of $438 a bottle aged single malt scotch whiskey in their hands, Pelosi's was already half empty and she appeared to be a bit tipsy. "Permission to take off Speaker Pelosi," the Air force colonel said. He kept his eyes on the floor as he spoke, as a show of deference to his prestigious passengers. Everyone knew that the two liberal politicians hated the military and the speaker's response was not entirely unexpected. "Well, of course you can take off, you moron, what have you been waiting for?" she snapped. "Do I have to tell you everything? Now get back in the cockpit and get this thing off the ground! I've a good mind to have you court-martialed, and I will if you don't smarten up." The colonel bowed slightly and turned to walk away. "And you tell the captain that I expect a smooth ride this time. I won't tolerate any more of that turbulence you subjected us to last time! My nieces and nephews were sick for a week after what you put us through." "Don't you just hate those military types Babs? Lord knows I do, with their stupid uniforms and better than thou attitudes." "Yes, and I can hardly stand it, Nancy, when they come to testify before the senate, with their condescending attitudes and all. One of those fools even had the nerve to call me ma'am at one of the hearing last year. Who do they think they are treating elected public officials like us in such a disrespectful manner? Just who do they think pays their salaries anyway. Well, his career in the military is over, I saw to that! "Good for you Babs' low-lives like that need to be kept in their place, that's for sure." I don't know how this country could survive without your steadfast leadership in the Senate." "Oh Nancy, aren't you just so kind, but you're the brilliant one! Just think, convincing those morons that they should vote for Obama's Health Care Bill before they had even read it. Now that was a stroke of pure genius. You will go down as the greatest speaker ever for pulling off that one, no doubt about that, none at all." "Oh, it was nothing really Babs, anyone could have done it." "Anyway, its nearly time for dinner. I hope you like Maine lobster, that's what we are having. I just know you are going to love the champagne, its Perrier-Jouet 1945. It costs $5,000 a bottle," she giggled, "but, of course you have to buy a case to get it at that price." "Pretty expensive," Nancy, "must be nice to have a rich husband." "Heavens to Betsy, Babs, if it wasn't for the business I sent his way, we wouldn't have a pot to piss in, I can assure you of that! Anyway, I would never spend that kind of money on anything, let alone a bottle of overpriced French wine. I hate the damned French almost as much as I despise the military. No, the sheeple that contribute their hard earned dollars to my campaign fund paid for the wine as well as the lobster. Hell, they pay for damn near everything. That's if I can't find a way to wheezel it out of the government." "Well, traveling with you certainly is a treat, Nancy, I just hate flying commercial these days. I fly first class, of course, and buy up all the first cabin seats so I don't have to mingle with the other passengers, Lord knows what you might catch from those peasants. But it's still such a hassle, getting to the airport and going through security and all." "God, I know what you mean, Babs. As you know, I had to give up most of my perks, including the plane, when we lost control of the house in 2010. I thought having to go commercial again would be the end of me, I really did!" "That must have been awful, Nancy, the least that meany Boehner could have done was let you keep the plane! Just think of it, and after all you have given to this country, where would we be now without your insightful leadership all these years. I tell you, there just no justice in this world anymore, none at all!" "Well, I begged him to let me keep the plane, I even shed a few tears. But he, being the SOB he is, wouldn't hear of it, said it didn't look right to have someone in a leadership position flying around in a 230 seat private jet at taxpayers expense, especially with so many out of work and surviving on food stamps. There was just no reasoning with the guy. Oh, he did offer me let me use a smaller plane, but I refused his offensive jester, recognizing it for the slight that it was. The very idea of having to downsizing to a 20 seat aircraft, the nerve of the guy." "I admire your courage and steadfast resolve, Nancy, I think you have been very brave about the whole thing. It must have been very hard on you and your family too." "Yes it was, looking back on it now, I'm kind of surprised that I was able to make it through those dark days as minority leader. I still have nightmares about the weekly flights on those awful commercial airplanes. Having to wait in those endless lines at the airports and being screened as if I were a common farm hand. I tell you it was downright humiliating, that's what it was. Fortunately, I wasn't subjected to as many personal searches or pat downs as I was in my younger days, but it still was a terrible experience being herded around like a bunch of cattle." "Yes, public figures like us pay a heavy price for the indispensible service we provide our country, but that's our lot in life and we just have to make the best of it Nancy." At that point the head waiter approached the two dingbats and announced that their lobsters were about to be served in the planes lavish main cabin. They staggered to the dining room chattering away like magpies who had gorged themselves on to many fermented Christmas berries and were oblivious of the world around them.