Dennis Rodman- God help us, is this the best we can do?

I am always amazed at the illiterate idiots our colleges and universities turn out these days. Having said that, Southwestern Oklahoma State University must have been particularly proud to have found, under a rock most likely, and educated, I don't know if educated is exactly the right word, this colossal buffoon we all know as Dennis Rodman; the latest in a long line of our un-appointed ambassadors to the impoverished communist basket case that is North Korea. I realize that this remarkable transformation could not have occurred absent the trillions of dollars spend on Johnson's Great Society and farsightedness of the liberal politicos, God bless their souls, who gave us forty glorious years of affirmative action. On hindsight, I can't believe how wrong I was about these magnificent social programs, to have been opposed to them was evil beyond belief. If I were a Catholic I would receive at least ten hail Mary's for a transgression as serious as this, maybe even twenty. But, since I am not of the Catholic faith I will just have to suffer my miscalculation and humiliation in silence. Just think of the transformation that has occurred in the relatively short period of a hundred or so million years. When Ambassador Rodman's ancestors climbed out of the trees and began to roam the Serengeti plains and jungles of Africa all those eons ago they still had tails. Thanks to the miracles of evolution they lost their tails and many other of their ape like features. But thankfully, they also retained many of their better ancestral characteristics: thick lips, black skin, low intelligence, flat feet, flared nostrils, propensity for thievery and obesity etc. As the centuries passed, unnoticed by the rest of the civilized world, Rodman's ancestors rapidly began to adapt to their new life on the ground, learning to walk upright and even mastering the art of the fire. These people always were adept at various art forms including face painting which survives to this day. No one is better at this art form than is Ambassador Rodman. His inventiveness in facial painting and hair coloring is simply unmatched anywhere in the civilized world. I don't know where the youth of America would be today if it were not for the example set for them by Ambassador Rodman. It would be a far different place, that's for sure. Of all his marvelous attributes, possibly Dennis' greatest contribution to modern society is the man's ingenious and creative use of jewelry. Undoubtedly, he also inherited this gift from his African ancestors who were masters in art of self mutilation. These people could stick a bone, a piece of wood or a rock into anything that moved including their lips, nostrils, ears and other body parts unmentionable. The uglier the better! But then, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it. The point is that Rodman's ancestors were masters at their craft and he seems to have inherited this gift from them as he did their thick lips, flared nostrils and low IQ. Of course, this is only half of the story. Ambassador Rodman has taken the body piercing art to a level unimagined by his ancestors. He no longer employs sticks and fragments of bone to adorn his beautiful mutilated black body. No, he now hangs pieces of expensive jewelry on his lips, nostrils and ears; if it can be pierced Dennis will pierce it. No doubt he is experimenting with innovations that will allow him to pierce his eye lids. If there is a way, our dear ambassador will find it, you can bet your last dollar on that! In the mean time we are lucky to have his illiterate imbecile with bejeweled lips as our good will ambassador to third world misfits like Kim Jong UN. A marriage made in heaven don't you think?