Dennis Rodman- God help us, is this the best we can do?

I am always amazed at the illiterate idiots our colleges and universities turn out these days. Having said that, Southwestern Oklahoma State University must have been particularly proud to have found, under a rock most likely, and educated, I don't know if educated is exactly the right word, this colossal buffoon we all know as Dennis Rodman; the latest in a long line of our un-appointed ambassadors to the impoverished communist basket case that is North Korea. I realize that this remarkable transformation could not have occurred absent the trillions of dollars spend on Johnson's Great Society and farsightedness of the liberal politicos, God bless their souls, who gave us forty glorious years of affirmative action. On hindsight, I can't believe how wrong I was about these magnificent social programs, to have been opposed to them was evil beyond belief. If I were a Catholic I would receive at least ten hail Mary's for a transgression as serious as this, maybe even twenty. But, since I am not of the Catholic faith I will just have to suffer my miscalculation and humiliation in silence. Just think of the transformation that has occurred in the relatively short period of a hundred or so million years. When Ambassador Rodman's ancestors climbed out of the trees and began to roam the Serengeti plains and jungles of Africa all those eons ago they still had tails. Thanks to the miracles of evolution they lost their tails and many other of their ape like features. But thankfully, they also retained many of their better ancestral characteristics: thick lips, black skin, low intelligence, flat feet, flared nostrils, propensity for thievery and obesity etc. As the centuries passed, unnoticed by the rest of the civilized world, Rodman's ancestors rapidly began to adapt to their new life on the ground, learning to walk upright and even mastering the art of the fire. These people always were adept at various art forms including face painting which survives to this day. No one is better at this art form than is Ambassador Rodman. His inventiveness in facial painting and hair coloring is simply unmatched anywhere in the civilized world. I don't know where the youth of America would be today if it were not for the example set for them by Ambassador Rodman. It would be a far different place, that's for sure. Of all his marvelous attributes, possibly Dennis' greatest contribution to modern society is the man's ingenious and creative use of jewelry. Undoubtedly, he also inherited this gift from his African ancestors who were masters in art of self mutilation. These people could stick a bone, a piece of wood or a rock into anything that moved including their lips, nostrils, ears and other body parts unmentionable. The uglier the better! But then, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it. The point is that Rodman's ancestors were masters at their craft and he seems to have inherited this gift from them as he did their thick lips, flared nostrils and low IQ. Of course, this is only half of the story. Ambassador Rodman has taken the body piercing art to a level unimagined by his ancestors. He no longer employs sticks and fragments of bone to adorn his beautiful mutilated black body. No, he now hangs pieces of expensive jewelry on his lips, nostrils and ears; if it can be pierced Dennis will pierce it. No doubt he is experimenting with innovations that will allow him to pierce his eye lids. If there is a way, our dear ambassador will find it, you can bet your last dollar on that! In the mean time we are lucky to have his illiterate imbecile with bejeweled lips as our good will ambassador to third world misfits like Kim Jong UN. A marriage made in heaven don't you think?

A Word Or Two About Priapism

I discussed the cause of impotence at some length in a previous blog. Priapism is the exact opposite of impotence in that a male has no problem achieving an erection but the erection will not subside after he has ejaculated or, in some cases, when he has not been able to ejaculate and wishes to terminate his attempt at intercourse. There are many causes of priapism, in my day sickle cell anemia in blacks was among the most common. Today, priapism often is caused the medications like Viagra which are prescribed to treat impotence and it is the glut of radio and television adverting of these medications that has prompted me to write this blog. It is not my purpose to argue the pros and cons of any of the impotence drugs; rather, I want to point out a very misleading and potentially dangerous component of the admonishments on side effects that are included in the impotence advertisements. All of these TV come ons have one thing in common. They invariably admonish the person taking the impotence medication to contact a physician if their erection persists for over four hours. This, by the way, was what I was taught when in my urology residency in the late 1960s. This admonishment was wrong then and it is just as wrong today, 46 years later. I have no idea why this piece of erroneous urologic lore has persisted all these years, but it has. In my case, although I knew this information was erroneous, there was always something else that seemed more important to write about so I never got around to correcting the situation. If I had it to do over again I would have acted differently! Well better late than never, I guess. Back to the point which is very simple! If your erection persists, ever for a few minutes, after you are finished with sex, you are in big trouble, have no doubt about it. Time is of the essence. Forget about the four hour rule and get your butt to the closest emergency room as soon as possible. Let's hope that there is an Urologist on call who knows what he or she is doing when you get there. In any case, the longer you wait the more difficult it will be for the urologist to resolve the issue. All erections ultimately will subside, usually within seven to ten days, unless you should die first. Interestingly, if you succumb with an erection it will remain a prominent feature of your anatomy as long as you remain recognizable as human being. This interesting bit of medical trivia is of little or no importance, of course, as long as the lower half of the casket is closed during your funeral. However, if you should live through the experience it can be a problem since about 50% of men with untreated priapism will lose the ability to have future erections. This occurs because the blood flow to the penile erectile bodies is greatly reduced during priapism. The resultant anoxia can permanently damage the fragile erectile tissue within the penis and render you impotent. It is not my goal to discuss the treatment options for priapism in this blog; rather, I simply want to emphasize the importance of early treatment if you should develop a prolonged unwanted erection for any reason and especially if the erection persists after taking one the impotency drugs. In this respect, every minute wasted reduces your chances of a successful outcome if you are unfortunate enough to develop a persistent erection. Take my word for it, applications of ice will not help. So, get a move on, times a wasting!